So I'm A Double Threat Page 8

  Why is this happening?

  Is this what high school is supposed to be like? I can’t stop thinking about Alex. I thought I liked Eric, but now Ben has confused me. He’s driving me crazy. They’re all driving me crazy. Holy crap. Is it possible to have feelings for two guys? Three guys, maybe?

  I have all these emotions going through my mind: confusion, happiness, fear, more confusion, anger.

  Wait. Anger.

  I pick up the phone and dial.

  “Speak on it.”

  What’s with these guys? That is just so stupid.

  “Alex, where do you get off telling Ben to stay away from me? Who do you think you are…my mom?”

  “Hi, Megan. Wanna slow down and tell me what this is all about?” Alex responds, calm as usual.

  And his voice is calming—always deep and smooth. I feel a wave of fresh air come over me as I hear him speak. It’s almost scary.

  “Sorry.” I pause. “But I just got off the phone with Ben and he told me some things that bothered me.” This time, I speak much softer than before.

  “Okay. What’d he say?”

  “He told me you said you’d kick his ass if he hooked up with me.” My voice rises again.

  I just cut the crap and get straight to the point. I can’t wait to hear his side of the story.

  “Well, I would.” He’s so nonchalant, as if it isn’t a big deal.

  “I don’t get why you’d say that or even think you had the right to.”

  “Meg, listen to what you just said,” he pauses. “You said I’d kick his ass if he hooked up with you. I would if it was just a hook up. If he wanted you, and only you, to be his girlfriend, then I’d be okay with it. But I don’t think that’s what he wants.”

  He’s still calm. I’m going nuts. I’m more confused than ever. Maybe it’s because I’m a freshman. Maybe this is why freshmen girls should not talk to senior guys. It’s hard enough being at the bottom of the high school food chain, but factor in the older, more experienced guys, and I’m going to go insane.

  “So are you saying Ben just wants to hit it and quit it?” I ask, bluntly.

  “No you didn’t just say that. It sounds so nasty coming from you.” Alex laughs.

  Why did it sound nasty coming from me?

  “Why?” I pause. “I think you have this false impression of me. You think I’m this nice innocent little girl or something and I’m really not.”

  “No, you really are a nice girl. You just think you’re bad. Sure, you drink Malibu Rum like its water, go to parties, cheat on your homework, whatever.” He chuckles. “But deep down I don’t think you’re like other girls. I don’t think you could hook up with a bunch of dudes, and not care if they didn’t talk to you afterward. It’s not you.”

  Well, when you put it that way, I guess I wouldn’t be okay with it. I’ve never even kissed a boy who wasn’t a boyfriend or didn’t turn in to one. But Alex isn’t talking about kissing. He’s talking about more. I’ve thought about doing other stuff with Eric. I’ve even thought about what it would be like to do them with Alex. But now, when I think about doing anything with anyone, it’s just scary. I’m sure if it ever happened, I would want something more after. I wouldn’t want the guy to just ignore me. No wam bam, thank you ma’ams. But is Ben really capable of being such a dog? With me?

  I sit with the phone to my ear, sprawled out across my bed, in silence.

  “You there?” he asks.

  “Yeah, I’m here.”

  “Meg.” I love the way he always says my name. “I don’t want you to be pissed at me. I honestly didn’t think Ben would ever tell you what I said.”

  “Well, he did.”

  “I know. I guess I have to beat his ass now anyway, huh.”

  We both chuckle.

  “I don’t know,” he continues, “you’re just different than other girls. You’re not fake. You’re funny without trying to be. You cuss like a dude but still sound all girlie. You’re easy to talk to. I can talk to you forever without all the bullshit, ya know.”

  “Well, if I’m so freakin’ great, then why did you choose Amy?”

  It’s out before I can take it back. Holy shit. I can’t believe I just spoke those words aloud.

  He laughs a little. I can almost see the uncomfortable smile on his face. I wish we weren’t having this conversation over the phone. I need to see the look in his eyes. They can tell me much more than any of his words.

  “Megan, you’re too young, and you’re…too real.”

  “Huh?” Too young? Seriously?

  “I know, I know. You and Amy are the same age, but it’s just Amy and I work, right now. You and I…I just don’t deserve you…yet.” He stutters over his words.

  Yet. Yet? Holy crap. These guys are killing me. As if I wasn’t confused enough already. Now let’s just add one more thing to my madness. And what’s wrong with Alex? He always speaks with such confidence and now he’s stuttering and tongue-tied. This is all just too crazy.

  “Hey, I’ve gotta go. It’s late and I still have a paper to write,” I mumble.

  “Oh. Okay. Hey, I know it’s a little weird to talk about stuff like this but…but you’re a good friend and I want things to be okay with us. Are we cool?” His voice is soft with concern.

  “Yeah, sure. I’m good.” I’m really not. “See ya tomorrow.”

  “Bye, Meg.”

  “Bye.”

  You know what? I don’t have time right now to think about all this crap. I’ve got a paper to write. Damn, I wish I could do this with all the girls. But papers are off limits for sharing since we got in trouble last year.

  I need to talk to Steph, or Keesha, or Amy. Oh shit. I can’t talk to Amy. Can you imagine? Hi Amy, I just got off the phone with your boyfriend and he told me he didn’t deserve me. Seriously. Can you imagine? Ughh.

  And Eric…I’m supposed to call him. I take out my cell and text him:

  TTYL. Havent finshd my papr n dont wnt 2 stop til I finsh.

  I tear open my backpack and yank out my binder. I completed my outline earlier so it shouldn’t take too long to finish this stupid paper. I push the power button on my computer and wait, thinking about the information I’ve had to absorb today.

  Has anyone ever died of confusion?

  There’s always a first for everything, right?

  Chapter Twelve

  My right knee shakes frantically with impatience during first and second period. I feel like I’m going to die waiting for a chance to talk to Steph or Keesha. My crazy phone calls last night were torturous.

  On my way to school, I contemplated my unexpected conversations with Alex and Ben. When I do get to chat with my girls, I know I’m going to leave out some of the details from the convo with Alex—that part about him not deserving me yet, is not necessary to repeat. It makes me feel weird, and I don’t want to be mean to Amy by telling anyone what her boyfriend said. In fact, I’m going to try to forget that piece of information. He doesn’t want anything from me right now anyway. Nothing but my friendship, and it’s all I’m going to give. He wants things to be normal so I’m going to try to be as normal as possible.

  When I finally get to third period, I’m relieved. We’re just doing book work so this gives me the perfect opportunity to tell the girls what happened. I’m going to have to be creative though. We sure as heck can’t talk. Ms. O’Brien will freak out if she even hears a whisper. I stare at Keesh and Steph, pursing my lips shut to keep from blurting out my news. I already have paper out, but instead of conjugating verbs, I decide to write them a note.

  I grip my pencil, click the top to release some lead, and began to write:

  Last night Ben told me I had more options than just Eric. We could hang out more. We’re going out for lunch today. Alex told Ben he’d kick his ass if we hooked up cuz he thought Ben was just out for a piece of ass. Ughh. HELP. I’m going craaaazzzzyy.

  I pass the paper to Keesha and wait impatiently. My knee is still shaking. As Keesha
reads the note, I see her eyes getting big. She smiles and begins to write.

  I told you Ben liked you. All that flirting wasn’t for nothin’. Stop buggin’ and go with it.

  I scribble my response and pass it back again.

  You’re NUTS. What about Eric? And what do you think about what Alex said?

  She skims my questions, looks over at me, and rolls her eyes. Then she pauses, looking up at the ceiling before she begins to reply.

  Alex is just jealous you don’t want him no more. Don’t worry ‘bout him. Who says you can’t go out with both? Guys do it all the time, why can’t we?

  OMG. I can’t believe what she wrote. These are two nice guys we’re talking about here. I can’t do that to them. At least, I don’t think I can. As for Alex, he’s not jealous. He sounded concerned, not jealous.

  Keesh, you’re freaking crazy. I’m not going out with BOTH of them. Actually, I’m not even with either one of them. So we’ll just see what happens. I’m just gonna be honest with both of them. Oh, and Alex is NOT jealous.

  I press down on the paper, grip my pencil tightly, and write the last part really dark to prove my point.

  If you already knew what you were gonna do, what’d you ask me for? And you are going out with both of them. You went out with Eric already and you’re going out with Ben today. AND Alex is JEALOUS. Everyone knows he likes you except for you. We all see how he looks at you, even Amy.

  I read her ridiculous statements and throw her a dirty look. The space between my eyes crumples with irritation from Keesh’s comment. I scrawl out my next reply. She’s wrong about Alex, but I guess she’s right about going out with Ben and Eric. I guess.

  YOU ARE FREAKIN’ WRONG. About Alex.

  She shrugs her shoulders and passes the note to Steph.

  I try to ignore my friends and work on my Spanish. I get a nudge on my arm and look over. Steph holds out the paper to me with a mocking smile.

  Meg, I agree with both of you…kinda. Go with the flow with Ben AND Eric. You’re not married, you’re only 14 so act like it. But Alex does look at you in a DIFFERENT way. Even my sister noticed it at the end of the summer when we hung out at my house. He IS jealous but there’s nothin’ you can do about it now, so leave it alone.

  I don’t know what to make of everything—especially what they’re saying about Alex. But Steph makes the most sense, she always does.

  THANKS you guys.

  I pass the note back for the last time and wait for the bell to ring. Keesh glances at it, folds it up, and stashes it in her folder. Amy continues to pretend she hasn’t seen us passing notes the entire period. It wouldn’t matter if she did. It’s not like I’m going to show her what we’ve been writing.

  We’re all just sitting around in ASB when I get a text from Ben.

  hey can u get out erly?

  I smile from ear to ear.

  Keesh notices my delight. “Is it Ben?”

  I nod, and text back.

  Sure

  meet me otside ur class

  when??

  now.

  I grab my stuff. I can barely find the words to let the girls know where I’m going.

  “You go, girl,” Keesh teases.

  “Be careful,” Steph advises.

  “Have fun,” Amy mumbles.

  I leave class in a hurry, checking behind me to make sure Mr. Mitchell doesn’t see me leave.

  I walk outside and scan the quad for Ben. The sun is blinding me, but when I put my hand up to shade my eyes, I see him. He’s leaning up against the building across from mine. He looks cute, standing there with his hat flipped backwards, and his arms crossed over his chest.

  I move toward him, consciously trying to walk at a normal pace, trying not to seem too eager.

  When I reach him, he puts his arms around me in a tight squeeze. My arms wrap around his waist and rest just above his booty. This feels good.

  I can feel his breath next to my right ear. His face is nestled into my hair. He holds this embrace for a minute before saying, “You ready?”

  I sigh, not ready for it to end. “Sure, where we going?”

  We pull away slowly and look at each other. This is so new to me. That was not just a friendly hug. I definitely sensed something more just now, something exciting.

  “You pick. It has to be fast food though, we need to be back before lunch is over.”

  “Okay, how about Wendy’s?” I suggest, as we begin walking out to the parking lot.

  “Uh…yeah. A frosty sounds good.”

  “Totally, and we can dip our fries in them.” The thought of scooping up the chocolate ice cream with my fries is making me drool just thinking about it. I have the technique down perfectly, it’s like art.

  “Dip your fries in ice cream? That sounds gross.”

  “It’s awesome, you’ve gotta try it.”

  We get into his car.

  “Okay, whatever you say,” he replies.

  We have such little time to sit down and eat even though I left class early. We quickly order French fries and Frostys. Ben follows my lead and dips his salty fries in the thick chocolate ice cream. The combination of sweet and salty is just perfectly delicious.

  “Not bad,” he says, nodding after his first bite, then grabbing another fry to dip again.

  In just minutes, we shove our fries in our mouths, and hardly chew. It’s nice to go out with Ben, but it would be even better if we weren’t in such a hurry. It’s kind of hard to make small talk when you’re trying to finish your lunch in record time. We start heading back to school before I’m finished chewing my last bite.

  As Ben pulls out of the restaurant parking lot and onto the street, he reaches over with his free hand and puts it on top of mine, which is resting on my thigh. I don’t move my hand. I don’t move at all. I just look down at our hands for a moment, then relax into the seat, with a small grin and an exhale.

  We arrive at school and are still in the same position. He hasn’t moved his hand and I haven’t either. I thought he would when he had to turn, but he drove just fine with one hand. Finally, he removes his clammy hand from mine and we get out of the car.

  “That was fun. Thanks, I had a great time.” I walk around the car towards him.

  “Yeah, it was…” Ben begins, but is cut off.

  “Hey Ben,” some guy shouts. “We’ve been looking all over for you.” He begins to walk over with two girls. Cheerleaders, I think.

  “Meg, I gotta go. I’ll…I’ll call you later okay,” he mutters, as he turns his back to me and jogs away.

  WTF. He didn’t even give me a chance to say goodbye, again. What is that all about? We had such a great time and he ruined it.

  Guys. They’re stupid.

  Chapter Thirteen

  After going out with Ben the other day, I’ve been pretty much doing what the girls suggested. I still talk to Ben. I still talk to Eric. Ben doesn’t make it easy though. He always pops up right after school as Eric and I walk out of English together. He makes it a point to put his arm around me and steer me away from Eric, as if Eric doesn’t even exist. I always feel guilty, but I don’t know how to make it right. Well, I do know how to make it right. I just can’t bring myself to tell Ben to stop. Ben has this intoxicating pull over me. He’s such a smooth talker, slick and addicting. One look at his eyes and I’m in a trance. And Eric never says anything. He doesn’t have to. I can see the disappointment and anger in his expression every time Ben shows up.

  My only uninterrupted time with Eric is during lunch and after soccer practice. Ben always kicks it with his crowd during lunch. Amy is usually with them too. It seems like the only time she joins us for lunch is when Alex is busy or absent. But Ben always stays with his friends and he never asks me to join them, so I don’t. We have only gone to lunch just that one time. Ben never did explain why he took off so suddenly.

  So at lunch, I just enjoy my time with Eric. Some of his friends have started hanging out with us. There’s Jonathan, the cute, s
occer player, who, I think, Keesha is trippin’ over. She won’t admit it but she gets all tongue-tied around him which is totally out of character for Miss I Don’t Give a Shit About What Anyone Thinks I Tell It Like It Is. Then there’s Josh. He’s supposedly a freakin’ baseball prodigy who’ll make varsity as a freshman. I think he likes Steph, but she won’t show she’s interested even if she is.

  All of the emotions spinning through my mind are insane. The wheels are constantly turning. Luckily, I have a lot to keep me busy or I’d go mad. This last month in ASB has been jam packed with tasks needing to get done. Getting ready for the Homecoming Rally and Dance has been ridiculous. You would think we were planning the opening ceremonies of the Olympics with the way Mr. Mitchell barks orders. He has been running around from committee to committee with a clipboard and a checklist. He’s been the rally version of Bridezilla. Seriously.

  Steph and Amy’s committee has been working hard on the rally. The theme is “Divas,” which means the members of the Homecoming court will impersonate some famous female singers. Jen, Amy’s sister, made court with her professional posters and rally tags. She’s going to be Mariah Carey. The two cheer monsters, Vanessa and Destiney, also made court, and are going to be Christina Aguilera and Brittany Spears. Is Brittany even a diva? Really, come on now. She’s more like a freakin’ lunatic.

  Lydia is getting my vote for queen. She’s the most likeable out of all of them—the least clique-ish and the least fake. She talks to everyone on campus, it doesn’t matter what grade you’re in or what group you belong to. Lydia is going to be Shakira—unlike Steph, she has the perfect body and hair to pull it off. She really does have hips that don’t lie.

  The last girl to make court is this goth chick, Brittany, who surprised everyone when her name was called. I even heard people say “who?” I don’t know much about her but she’s going to be Madonna, probably 1980’s Madonna with black lace gloves and torn shirts.

  I’m surprised we’ve even had any time to look for dresses before the dance. It’s been crazy. We’ve been staying after school to work on the décor for the rally and dance, and soccer practice hasn’t been easy.